Personal

Major, major Regrets

About 30 minutes ago, while I was reading a book on my bed and was ready to sleep, Jen handed me a piece of paper and asked me to write. I asked her what do I need to write but she said I am free to write anything I want to; about kape and tinapay (coffee and bread), bell pepper (which I really hate!), to counting calories (in which I always do) and love life (because I don’t even have one). When I was closing my eyes and really want to sleep, I was thinking of this piece of paper and what to write. Then I got up and start writing.

I am now thinking about the recent and most popular Ms. Universe contestant of our very own Philippines, Ms. Venus Raj. It’s not that I am fantasizing about the Ms. Universe crown but I am thinking about the controversial question that was asked to her. “What was your greatest mistake and what did you do to correct it?” According to the international news that I’ve seen, this is such a tough but wonderful question. This question is often ask in job interviews. Interviewers said that interviewees found themselves hard to answer the question. Well, it may be because most of us cannot easily accept our mistakes.

For the past days, since I have watched the video of Ms. Venus Raj, I imagined myself being asked the same question. How will I answer it? And since I am not in front of  the judges and millions of people, it may be easy for me because I can easily think well about my answer. Like Ms. Venus Raj, I think I have no “major, major” mistakes in life because I am confident of my family and the love and freedom that they gave me. Hehehe! Just today, I have been thinking about it deeply and I already have my answers. Yes, answers. It’s in plural form. I’ll be sharing you the top 3 of it.

Halmoni (grandmother) and I at Deer Mountain Cafeteria during the 23rd missionary meeting. I also want to be a dishwasher in a famous restaurant. 🙂

I also want to be someone I am not (Well, I could be if I strive hard to be). I have started writing poems and stuffs when I was in high school but when my article wasn’t published, I was discouraged and stop writing. I wrote again when I was in college and pass them to our school publication and luckily, they published it all. I was inspired to write again but since I was then very busy with many responsibilities, including the lakwatsa (strolling) with friends, and I forgot everything.

So what did I do to make it right? Well, I may not be as good as those who are really good, but I am now staring to write. This may be my debut.hehehe  I am also writing my sermons so I can use it in the future.

I could have been wise in keeping my heart. It sounds really stupid not to keep my heart in the right track. For years, it seems like I have giving my heart to one person I was crazy about. He was maybe forced to accept it, but he was not able to keep it right. I called our relationship, “more than friends but less than lovers” or we call it pseudo-relationship and it lasted for about 4 years.

He was my motivation in everything I do. He became my idol. I am doing things not to please God but to please him. I strived hard to be like him. I do things which he often do like adventures and in leading people. I became so active in church and in many activities because of him.

I must say, I am aware that I became stupid. I actually tried to get rid of my feelings for him by staying away from him but the more I tried to, the more the feelings grow. Self-denial. I often convinced myself that I no longer have feelings for him. I even cried out loud to God and blamed Him for letting me feel that way. I accepted suitors, dated many men and had many boyfriends (of course one at a time) so this heart may beat for another guy. I know it’s not good. So what did I do to make things right? I joined the 1000 Missionary Movement. It’s like hitting two birds at the same time. I can serve God and at the same time run away from his shadows.

I could have been in the honor’s guild. I had been receiving honors and pinned with ribbons when I was in elementary. I was even at the top 19th out of more than 500 freshmen who passed the entrance test in high school. To my surprised, I was placed in the 2nd section, not in the 1st section which I have expected. From then, I didn’t care for my studies and got really low grades, for the first time. Really low like 78. When I was transferred to an Adventist school in my second year, I still do the same. I got low grades like, 76, 78 and got failed in the 2nd grading in one subject. I even got 4/50 score in math exam. I have no care about my academics even when I was in college. Yes, I became the Department President, Secretary, Marketing Vice President, HR of SIFE and blah! blah! blah! But I never been in the list of honor students that were posted in the school bulletin every semester. As long as I won’t take the subject twice, that’s okay (But I do well in the subjects I like). I continued to be like that until I graduated and have my degree.

Do I still have a chance to correct the things that I have regretted now? Well, unless I will study again but my brain is now full of rust and I think it won’t work well again. Hahaha!

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7 thoughts on “Major, major Regrets”

  1. Great !She you made it! You have a talent of writing, its a good start, if before you article wasnt able to publish, now you can publish your own article. Hehehhehehe.
    Sure, you have the chance to correct things that you’ve regretted. Now is the TIME. Forget him…hhehehehehe char.
    God bless write more soon…

    1. Ur welcum she…happy me kc u used ur time in wisely nah..Keep up the good work. Salute ko beh.
      Ky if naa lng ko talent mag write i will do the same, but you know na dbah?hhehehehehehe.
      So for you to be happy i will post a comment everytime you have a new write ups.hehhehehe.
      Bsta ma read lng nko…God bless

  2. Hi Sis Shiela! ^_^ I like your notepad lay-out and also this article.^_^ You’re so nice and smart sis! I’m glad to know more about you from this word press. Though we haven’t really talk, I can imagine how you speak through the words you’ve written. ^_^Hoping to have a bonding with you this coming retreat.^_^ Keep up the good work!!!^_^ (thumbs up)

  3. Now this is what you call blogging! It feels good di ba, Shie? when you can actually read, in printed words, what’s on your mind? and most of all, letting someone have a “peek on the notepad of your life.”

    Happy for you and keep it up! God will always bless what little things you give and use for Him! 🙂

  4. Thanks Meg! Thanks to Jen who made the layout. Im not good at adobe photoshop, you know! hehehe
    I just started bloging this afternoon. Thanks to Jen who helped me in creating my account here. Thanks for the comment meg! Yeah, let’s have bonding2x this coming missionary retreat. 🙂

    Thanks ate Mai. Yeah, it’s my chance to published without editor to edit and to reject. Anyway, you are there to help me with the grammar and all, right?hahahaha I am not really good, I wish I am. So just bear with me. hehehe

  5. Dear Shiela,

    Very brave of you to pen your heart to the whole world.(LOL). It’s hard to fall for someone who is taken, i can relate to that i think. But life is full of fun and laughters despite the pain. And God is good and just to allow us to experience things which we can bear. God bless your broken heart. He is there to make it whole again.Remember your new favorite song hehehe..

  6. Ta! I can’t wait for you to have your own blog na din…I’m sure maraming aabangan…
    like the latest JITS’s album…hehehe!

    I think this is a nice way of expressing and sharing ourselves. Great way to minister na din…:-)

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