“Ghing, the federation president asked me your number and I gave it to him,” our pastor said “he saw you the time he visited our church and he keep on asking me about you. “ our pastor added. He was then in our place to get the tithes and offerings from my mom who’s a church treasurer.
“Ows? Who’s that federation president pastor?” I asked him frowning.
This scene happened more than 4 years ago. I was not an active Adventist youth then. I never attended any youth activities in our district or in our federation. I became curious about this guy and the activities they always had in SAYF (Sarangani Adventist Youth Federation). The first time I met him, I wasn’t attracted to him. Months later, the SAYF had a fellowship somewhere at the bottom part of the Mindanao and I joined them. That was the time I started to know about this guy. This was also the time I started to participate in the youth’s programs and activities.
We became friends. I remember every moment this guy and I had. I appreciate his leadership, his relationship to God and to his family and everything in him. He’s an ideal man, good leader, an active church member, a responsible son and a really good person.
We see each other every fellowship, church activities, youth’s programs, meetings and seminars within Southern Mindanao Mission. After a year, I concluded that I am already in love with this guy. Well, I think I was. But I should stop and step back for he already has a girlfriend. His girlfriend was not Adventist and I know he wanted to have an Adventist girlfriend.
I struggled for my feelings for him. For years, I prayed to God to take away my feelings for him. I know him very well; his strengths, weaknesses and even the unacceptable side of him. I can’t forget the time he said that he loves me and if he’s just single and available, he’ll court me even if I will reject him. I also remember the time I asked him to choose between me and his girlfriend, of course, he chose his girlfriend. How foolish of me! He’s actually emotionally abusive! I cried a million times just because of him. The more I tried to stay away from him, the more I think of him! I even accept suitors, dated many men, had boyfriends, but my heart beats only for him. Nobody can replace him.
There were times I questioned God why He let me experienced such pain in my heart. I blamed Him for my heartaches. I can not concentrate in doing His work for we always see each other in every youth’s activities, and my mind only focused on Him. I was mean right? Then I prayed sincerely to God to take away this stupid feelings I have for him. There wasn’t a night I forget to pray about it. The pain in my heart has been eating me and it affected everything. My friends and pastors around us knows about it. I am so ashamed of myself for having that feelings.
One summer night at the Youth Crusade, I saw him with another girl. That girl was not his girlfriend but a close friend who also like him. I don’t like that girl. I super dooper really hated that girl! Why? Maybe because I think, she must also stay away from him the way I do because he has a girlfriend and it seems like we are cheating his girlfriend. To think that she is also a girl like us! But I wanted to be nice to her so I went to the girl, talked to her and we shook hands as if there’s nothing going on between us. (I never hate his girlfriend because she is the original, only that girl because we have the same situaton.)
From then, I never care about them. We sometimes see each other but since I asked God for help, and have decided to serve God, I was able to keep my mind (if not my heart) in the right track.
God never failed me. Now, I realized, He uses my painful experiences to mold me into a better person. If I was not tested by my feelings for him, I am not who and what I am now. I will not be in the ministry if not because of him who became my inspiration and who helped me to become closer to God.
I could now say, I’m over him. Thank God for using him.
Shiela's Little Adventures 
hahahaha..i agree with you sisterdear..mao lagi ng gugma bah.hehehe..teSt ra jud cgurO na to mOld us as a better personand to get closer with him(JESUS)..(sana ako rin).heheh..just make sure na naka-get over na jud ka sa iyaha.bcg atik2 lang nimu na..bcg mag-kirig2 ka if makita mi xa if u will go home..wahaha..:)
I salute you, Shie! How I wish I could also do that for BTB… well, who knows, maybe someday. hehehe! But then again, you did a good and the right thing. Letting it out is another “baby step” to be over with it/him. 🙂
You have really become matured and responsible over time and I love the way it is. Keep blogging.
Dear Shiela,
Very brave of you to pen your heart to the whole world.(LOL). It’s hard to fall for someone who is taken, i can relate to that i think. But life is full of fun and laughters despite the pain. And God is good and just to allow us to experience things which we can bear. God bless your broken heart. He is there to make it whole again.Remember your new favorite song hehehe..
Maam Arlyn, thanks a lot for the comment. You’re one of my mentors, I’ve learned a lot from you. Thanks a lot! 🙂
Ate Taz, thanks for visiting my char-char blogs. Yes, it’s really hard. I already picked up all the pieces of my broken heart (LOL) . My heart is now whole again but it’s still broken.
i know about that guy te,i am very proud dat ur a stronger now,and thanks God dat he uses u 4 His work as a misionary. keep safe. i’m her to love u te,remember dat……
OMG! Oh, My Giging!!! lol
U “were?” really inlove with him…hahah
I could imagine how difficult it was for you to battle against that feeling when you knew that it may be not right to pursue it, yet you always met in youth activities…hayyzzz, I was there to witness it and all i knew of was UYAB jud mo..hehehe. MAo na imo kay dili jud ka managad, ug unta GIPALAKAS pa ta ka..hahhaa..peace!!!
Nonetheless, taking things optimistically brought you where you are now…and I am happy that you considered him as an instrument in pursuing the missionary. How unclucky, on the other hand, Cardo was of not seeing your worth. You have all that a man could ask for 🙂
Cardo was not, perhaps, the one. However, I know, as everybody says, God has prepeared the best for you. He is just right there waiting for the best time in God’s time. Let’s keep on praying.
God bless you and be happy!
Marlon, I was madly in love with him. Well, I am not actually sure if I was. hehehe You know everything about us, you know it wasn’t easy on my part. No, dili dyud mi uyab and wala mi nagkauyab! hahaha And another no, dili nako need ang palakas kay I know wala dyud koy lakas. hehehe
Yes, I actually learned manythings from that experience and it made me who I am today. Well, maybe he just didn’t see my worth and maybe because he knows that I “was” crazy for hm, I might just say by his side no matter what…but of course not! I should get on my life!
I’d realized many things now. Yes, that’s what Im thinking. he’s not the one and I still haven’t meet that someone whom I will truly love and will love me too. Please help me pray.hehe I know God is still busy making my love story. hehehe
Thanks for visiting here, marlon! 😉